I'm your Dreamgirl, Boy. I'll make you happy!

It has been a while since my last post. Life in all it's weird, exiting insanity has conspired to suck away all my time. I joined a local production of Dreamgirls as a wardrobe assistant and halfway through the production was elevated to a member of the cast. It was weird. It was exciting and TERRIFYING, but I did it. It feels so good to say those words: I did it. Perhaps with the inexpert grace of an amateur, but that's not the point.

The show ended and my life began anew with the realization that I can do much, much more. If I stretch myself beyond these self-imposed boundaries, who knows what will happen? Will I rock every challenge or crash and burn? Like before, that's not the point. The point is to do it and surprise myself, to be hopeful instead of fearful.

What's next on the bucket list? Oh, just wait and see. ;)

Spring Clean my Love Handles (and Life)!

Spring is gradually making its presence known and I, like many others, find myself longing for something different, something new and exciting. I want fresh air, sunshine and rainbows! I want white wine instead of red and (dare I say it) salad. –For those of you that don’t know salad is the one thing you will almost never see me order. So what if I’m a vegetarian? I still appreciate hearty meals. Give me melted butter, creamy potatoes and thick, cream sauces every day and I will die happy… in a hospital… with high blood pressure, diabetes, and a smile.

But spring is here and it is time to put away my gluttony and shed some of my winter weight. I must wean myself off oversized sweatshirts and perhaps even say goodbye to the thick, creamy soups that are responsible for a good chunk of my winter love handles.

Someday I might be persuaded to join a gym… maybe. I do occasionally walk around the block and opt for green tea instead of coffee. That counts, right?

The real motivation for change has more to do with aesthetics than health: I miss showing my legs! I want to shave and buff and polish until my stems are once again capable of stopping traffic. Superficial? Absolutely, but I’ll work with what I got. Does it matter why I put on my workout clothes as long as I get out there?

The Red Cap

I’ll never grow too old for fairy tales. Whether they are dark, twisted tales of vampires and werewolves, or happier adventures of virtuous maidens and princes, I love them all.

In my first novel, Seducing the Laird, the Old Lord’s demonic familiar was a curious animal described as “an aged cherub with piercing black eyes and bright red hair that might also have been a cap.” The Old Lord tamed this creature and forced it to reveal an ancient treasure of Roman silver buried for centuries beneath the castle walls.

Image by Project Gutenberg http://www.gutenberg.org/files/22656/22656-h/22656-h.htm

These apparitions, called Red Caps, are common along the border between England and Scotland. They inhabit ruined castles with violent histories of blood and murder. As the former location of a Roman silver mine and situated so near the heavily-contested border, the McPherson castle must have seen its fair share of death.

Their name derives from the bright red caps they wear, colored by the blood of their victims. It is said that if the cap’s blood-red hue ever fades, they die as well, so they are often forced to prey upon lost travelers.

Image by Scary for Kids http://www.scaryforkids.com/red-cap/

“Watch out for the heartless Redcap,
Because he’d rather see you dead.
He’d love to squeeze out all your blood,
then put it on his head!”

Their blood-sucking proclivities at first reminded me of vampires, but these aren’t the sparkling heartthrobs of Hollywood. Red Caps look like little old men. Though small, Red Caps wear magical iron boots that allow them to outrun any creature, and they are strong enough to overpower the strongest man.

The only way to survive an encounter with these spirits is to recite from the bible. Or, like the famed Dracula, they are said to flee in terror at the sign of the cross.

Image by Frank http://www.myspace.com/neverville/blog/129315481

William II de Soules kept the famous Robin Redcap as a familiar. In 1320 he was involved in a conspiracy against Robert Bruce and died soon after under mysterious circumstances. According to legend he was taken to a circle of standing stones called the Nine Stane Rigg, and boiled alive. Allied with the English during the Wars of Scottish Independence, de Soules could not have been well-loved among his people.

Lord Soulis he sat in Hermitage Castle,

And beside him Old Redcap sly; --

“Now, tell me, thou sprite, who are meikle of might,

The death that I must die?"

1876: Porter & Coates (pub.) , http://books.google.com/books?vid=0xX5AYwnNuW_isE9h9&id=D9zaWVMVnMwC&pg=PA450&lpg=PA450&dq=%22redcap%22&as_brr=1 Reliques of Ancient English Poetry

I decided to spare the Old Lord such a gruesome fate. He faced only excommunication for his wicked ways and was buried in the woods far from the castle. I like to imagine his Red Cap familiar keeping watch over the grave and pouncing on any that are unwise enough to disturb his magical grove.

A New Year, A New Me

I started 2012 with mixed feelings. As impulsive as I am, I sometimes have difficulty with change. It’s scary, it’s unknown and worst of all, it’s inevitable. A few moments before midnight my sister and I decided we were too young to stay home and fled to a local bar in North Hollywood called The Federal Bar. It’s a hip, new place that caters to business-types, the kind of place where you can find people of all ages partying like it's 1999, or 1979. The men wear suits just casual enough to be unpretentious. 

We arrived about 30 minutes before midnight only to discover a club existed upstairs. Wasn’t that a providential surprise? The $20 entrance fee wasn’t so bad. We bought Tokyo teas and were able to fight our way to the crowded dance floor where we positioned ourselves just underneath the netted balloons.

The countdown began and everywhere I turned there were hopeful smiles and sloppy kisses. We shouted until our voices grew hoarse and then hugged and greeted the New Year with eager fist pumps to a monotonous techno beat.

It was magical, a spectacle of unrestrained merriment, yet I felt reserved. What would the New Year bring? How would my life change? Was I ready to be changed? My phone exploded with texts. Facebook and Twitter sent the same message reworded a hundred different ways: “Happy New Year!” 

A new year brings a new me. The unknown arrived and for a moment I teetered with uncertainty. I hesitated as a wave of doubts washed over me. What if my resolutions fail? What if I don’t loose those 10 lbs? What if I don’t manage to publish a book this year? What if I don’t meditate more, or eat healthier meals? What if the New Year doesn’t bring a better year? 

It is frightening to imagine all the ways 2012 could go wrong, the disasters that could occur and tragedies that might plague me. But as I forced myself to continue shouting with the crowd, I realized those events were just speculation. The real tragedy would be to live in fear and let worry rob me of happiness. 

I continued to dance and flirt. I laughed and gradually discovered that my smile was genuine. Change is coming, but I don’t let it ruin my present. The unknown doesn’t have to be scary. Though I don’t know what 2012 will bring, I’ll keep dancing and pumping my fist to the beat.

Books for Children??? What's that about?

I'm finally doing it. I'm writing a book for children. When I tell my writer friends they immediately respond by telling me how difficult "the industry" is. Did I ask about the industry? Chill. I write for me and if the rest of the world loves it and buys millions of copies, that's wonderful. If not, at least I entertained myself for a while.

At first I was worried. This is so not what I'm used to writing about. Sure, all my stories have an element of adventure, but there is also romance and a fair amount of drama. Would that translate to children? We shall soon see.

Wish me luck and don't forget to check out my new book The Dragon Prince, coming to an Android app near you! Kudos also to my amazing sis, Tawni Lavardo, for being my cover model. She is soooo pretty.

Creating Me

Talking to others in the entertainment industry one piece of advice keeps circulating: I need to market. This brings to mind a crowded plaza in Marrakesh filled with swarthy robed and turbaned folk haggling over prices while I stand uncomfortably on the auction block, turning this way and that to display my naked flesh. A juicy apple may rest in my mouth for garnish.

Perhaps in this modern age marketing isn't so barbaric, but it still makes me uncomfortable. My writing is fantasy, it is the creation of new and unique characters and worlds, but marketing is revealing myself. I am the product, not my story. One level of separation has been erased and I am exposed to direct scrutiny.

Like my tweets? Buy a story. Like my blog? become my devoted follower. I do it all. Slowly I feel myself stretching across the Internet like a literary spider, connecting published stories to poems, to tweets, to facebook to blog. Piece by piece this web that I am creating is molding a public image of 'me.' I hope this golem doesn't come back to haunt me. 

A chapter down... so much more to go

Have you ever had a project that made you feel like the donkey and the carrot? For every step I take forward the carrot takes one away from me. That's how I've begun to think of my first novel. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE it! It is my baby, crafted with much love and consideration. It is my creation as personal to me as my much adored 3rd grade volcano science fair project.

So why the angst? It is taking forever! While my screenplay is safe in the arms of my agent and being shuffled around to various movie studios, I decided to take this time and really get to work on my novel -a labor of love has never been so bittersweet. I think it is my nature to covet and curse something so ardently in the same breath. Oh words! How you torment and soothe me!

Ok, enough melodrama. The novel is going really well. It think another 50 pages should do it. Sadly, I cut away much unnecessary fluff during the last edit and now need to add more "good stuff." That means more drama, more death and hot, steamy, make-you-blush-in-the-bookstore romance. I can't wait!