A New Year, A New Me

I started 2012 with mixed feelings. As impulsive as I am, I sometimes have difficulty with change. It’s scary, it’s unknown and worst of all, it’s inevitable. A few moments before midnight my sister and I decided we were too young to stay home and fled to a local bar in North Hollywood called The Federal Bar. It’s a hip, new place that caters to business-types, the kind of place where you can find people of all ages partying like it's 1999, or 1979. The men wear suits just casual enough to be unpretentious. 

We arrived about 30 minutes before midnight only to discover a club existed upstairs. Wasn’t that a providential surprise? The $20 entrance fee wasn’t so bad. We bought Tokyo teas and were able to fight our way to the crowded dance floor where we positioned ourselves just underneath the netted balloons.

The countdown began and everywhere I turned there were hopeful smiles and sloppy kisses. We shouted until our voices grew hoarse and then hugged and greeted the New Year with eager fist pumps to a monotonous techno beat.

It was magical, a spectacle of unrestrained merriment, yet I felt reserved. What would the New Year bring? How would my life change? Was I ready to be changed? My phone exploded with texts. Facebook and Twitter sent the same message reworded a hundred different ways: “Happy New Year!” 

A new year brings a new me. The unknown arrived and for a moment I teetered with uncertainty. I hesitated as a wave of doubts washed over me. What if my resolutions fail? What if I don’t loose those 10 lbs? What if I don’t manage to publish a book this year? What if I don’t meditate more, or eat healthier meals? What if the New Year doesn’t bring a better year? 

It is frightening to imagine all the ways 2012 could go wrong, the disasters that could occur and tragedies that might plague me. But as I forced myself to continue shouting with the crowd, I realized those events were just speculation. The real tragedy would be to live in fear and let worry rob me of happiness. 

I continued to dance and flirt. I laughed and gradually discovered that my smile was genuine. Change is coming, but I don’t let it ruin my present. The unknown doesn’t have to be scary. Though I don’t know what 2012 will bring, I’ll keep dancing and pumping my fist to the beat.